What, Me Stylish?

No one epitomized stylish more than Fred Astaire.  If you say that word, I think of him.  And don’t give me the “Ginger Rogers did it backwards and in heels” line.  Fred and Hermes Pan made up the routines.  Ginger only learned them:

Sandra Lee at Always Well Within http://alwayswellwithin.com/

was kind enough to give me a Stylish Blogger Award.  (Thanks, Sandra!)  It’s nice to be told in this way that my writing pleased a reader of such discerning taste.  Sandra’s site remains a cornucopia of ideological beneficence.

The award’s a positive re-frame of the old chain letter concept.  The rules of the game stipulate that in order to accept you should write seven things about yourself people wouldn’t have easily known, and pass along the award to other deserving bloggers, linking to them in a post and letting them know you have.  No problem!  I advise you to take three deep breaths as I reveal:

Seven Secrets of Invisible Mikey (offstage wolf howl / eerie wind background fx)

1.)  I have had a completely irrational preference for even numbers for as long as I can remember.  The superstition extends so deeply that I never invent passwords with odd numbers, and I won’t turn off the TV unless I’m on an even-numbered channel.  My current address is an odd number, however, the first one I’ve ever lived at.  I rationalized that it was all right because my zip code is an even number, so my full address ends up “even”.  I have no freaking idea where this came from.  It might be my own sort of OCD.

2.)  Most people have a “type”, the kind of person they are attracted to romantically.  The women I’ve fallen in love with turned out to all have three specific qualities in common.  They were smart, funny, and had “good voices”.  By good voices I mean a resonant timbre.  It doesn’t matter between soprano, alto or lower, but it must be a full, round, musical-sounding sort of speaking voice.  If you have one or two of these qualities, we can be friends, but I’ll never go further.  Bodies never mattered unless they were decidedly unhealthy (smokers, poor hygiene, extremely obese or anorexic thin etc.)  Tall, short, hair color, age differences, rich or poor never mattered.  I don’t even care if you have all your body parts, or a nosy family in tow.  If you have the IQ, the humor chops and a voice with “it”, I’m yours.  I’m not leaving my wife, though.  She’s got the best of all three!

3.)  Kids like me.  This is a bit absurd, since I’ve never raised a child myself.  I suppose it’s because I engage with them joyfully.  Or maybe it’s because I shave my head, and they like anything that looks like babies.

4.)  I employ the self-delusion that I can make time stand still. That’s how I choose when to push the button whether taking x-rays or photographs.  *click*

5.)  If I could either write “the Great American Screenplay” or have a happy marriage, but not both – I would pick marriage.  Despite that, I really do want to write that screenplay.

6.)  My favorite dessert is rhubarb pie.  Rhubarb is a crummy-looking floppy, stinky green weed that grew beside driveways in the region where I was born.  The stems make AMAZING tart pie filling.

7.)   I do not believe that people can really come to know each other, except face-to-face.  No matter how many letters, texts or tweets have been exchanged, there’s a super-secret impenetrable level of realness that can only be experienced in physical proximity.  It wafts between people like an unspoken “ahhh”, without a word, without a look.  It’s a current passing over the invisible wire connecting you with the other person, and it gets stronger when you are near each other.  Perhaps it’s recognition that you and the other luminous egg “over there” were once not separate beings.  Either that or it’s pheromones.  Anyway, you can’t attach it to an email.  I deeply value our textual intimacy here, though, even if it isn’t the whole truth. Oops, you knew that one about me.  OK…

8.)  I have nicely-formed feet (even toes, no bunions etc.)  Having been in some locker rooms over the years, I have learned this is rare in men.  I stepped off a curb wrong once and broke one of them in two places, but you can’t tell which without an x-ray.

But enough about me.  On to the kudos!  Here are some cool sites I hereby bestow this fine award to:

Tiny Cat Pants http://tinycatpants.wordpress.com/

This woman writes as “Aunt B” at this site.  It works the same way that Mikey’s a different guy if you come to the Urgent Care with a broken ankle.  She writes under her given name elsewhere.  At this sandbox, she’s a beacon of undimmed feistiness.  It’s like reading the version of opinions about local and global issues you have in your own head, before you censor them because you are speaking in front of the boss (or the FCC) and don’t want to be fined or lose your job.  Betsy lives in Whites Creek, Tennesee, but the way she writes it’s Anytown, USA.  Though her articles are often about the foibles of specific local characters, they all live in your neighborhood too.

I have great respect for all the collaborators at You, only AWESOMER! http://youonlyawesomer.com/

It takes a lot of style to be able to simultaneously adopt and satirize the language of popular self-help therapies.  I like the fact that they are able to tweak the over-simplification of complex concepts that sometimes accompanies books like The Secret, while still maintaining appropriate enthusiasm and cheerfulness.  The illustrations are good, too.  The crew includes Rebecca Cardwell, Don Mills, Clifton Tanager and others who must have loved the early years of MAD Magazine as much as I did.

God knows Lily Hamrick (BlogLily) http://bloglily.com/ doesn’t need this prize.  Besides being a mum of three, a clever blogger and a lawyer, her first novel The Secret War was a finalist for literary prizes – the kind that come with CASH MONEY.  For most, these accomplishments would suffice to impress.  Not me.  I hobnob with time-travelers and cosmic royalty.  Lily got me as a fan because she also makes BAD ART, and photographs it for her posts.

Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess http://thebloggess.com/

doesn’t need the award either, but she’s getting it (so there) not only for consistently great comic writing in a variety of styles, but also for convincing the Wil Wheaton to send her a picture of him collating paper.  She then created a page where you can re-direct bad PR pitches featuring celebrities placed next to products nobody cares about (including the celebrities).

Whew!  I’m worn out from making all these Gift Baskets.  Mary flew back to El-Lay for the 100th birthday of the “older lady” featured in my ancient post about the circular conversation style favored by seniors in mental decline:


The other lady from that post had her energy uploaded to the sky grid some time ago, and this one has been asking if I’ve gotten a job yet for a year, but she is still with it enough to want a birthday party.  Her caregivers have made her a pink tiara.  I’m left here to toast you all with green beer by myself (BAWWwww).

Happy Day of St. Padraigh to yas!


Filed under Communications, humor, Literature

20 responses to “What, Me Stylish?

  1. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to you too!

    • Thanks, Toe!
      (Toemailer has a site featuring photos of variously decorated toes with backgrounds of beautiful locales around the world. Much cleverer than my aiming the phone-cam at the floor.)

  2. You, Mikey, deserve your honor! If the preference for even numbers is all, I bet you’re normal, or better than normal really on the OCD thingy. I only know The blogess and You, Only Awesomer, but look forward to reading others.I think You, Only Awesomer is just done by 1 person, who channels Dr. Massey. But either way the blog is awesome.

    (Sigh, I think no one likes my guest blogger on my site. was hoping I was doing him a favor, but I think not. I hope his feelings wont be hurt)

    • Bea over at YOA told me there’s more than one auteur, though I bet she’s the Blogamatographer. Massey does link to another blog which “appears” to have 2 writers, but one never knows with us apparitions…

      You deserve your own special award, for notable progress in spite of your own fears – not a small act of heroism.

  3. Thank you. It warms my heart to know that bad art (sorry BAD ART) has found an appreciator. (Does your wife want a stick in a vase, by the way? If you live in the bay area, I can leave one for you at a designated location, kind of like a microchip with something Important on it.)

    • Thanks for the offer, Lily. Alas, “She who must be obeyed” lacks our refined taste in offal. Speaking for myself, if it makes me shudder, I want anudder. I’m also honored you dropped in!

  4. Agree with you totally, absolutely and categorically on point 7.
    I’ll definitely have to check out You, only AWESOMER! as someone needs to do it! Do they have anything on Dr Phil? 🙂
    You definitely deserve the award, Mikey.

  5. Christina Moss, Author

    I like your 7th secret. And rhubarb pie. A lady down the street used to grow rhubarb and make it for us. Thanks for the good memory. And welcome back! 😉

  6. Pie

    Congrats on being bestowed the honour of stylish blogger, but of course I already knew this about you (gives a little wink). I had a quick peek at all of your recommended blogs and I’ve bookmarked two.

    I’ve never had rhubarb pie, but I love rhubarb crumble with lots of hot custard. I think I should get hold of some in the next week and increase the size of my waist just that little bit more.

  7. As weeds go, It’s yummy…lol.

  8. Congrats! I just got the Versatile Blogger award myself.

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