Unseen & Outspoken

Interview with an Invisible

Mikey received the reporter in the library of his club.

I enjoyed reading the self-interviews from Dragos Roua, TimeThief, Kymlee Murphy, and ShesBoxingClever, but the exercise is too direct for my taste.  Being rebellious, I would rather revel than reveal.  Even a resourceful re-write risks rebuffing readers not at all amused by alliteration, so I kept some questions, altered some and eliminated ones I didn’t find of enough interest, or that I considered repetitive.  In the name of Good Housekeeping, here are the other interviews:





1. What Do You Do for a Living?

I apply for work, blog and spend my wife’s money.  It’s a temp job.

2. Who Do You Love?

Everyone who amuses me, and I try to find something amusing in everyone.

3. Do You Have Enough Money?

Did you read question 1?  (Who does this woman think she is?)

4. Are You Healthy?

My blood pressure went up with the last question.

6. How Old Are You?

I went to high school with your grandparents, but I went to college with your kids. NEXT!

7. Who’s Your Best Friend?

A ghost with 1,000 names.  Every time I think I’ve caught up, poof, my friend is waving at me from just beyond the next hill.

8. What’s Your Childhood Dream?

How much time do you have?  Among other things I wanted to fly, to meet Dracula, to lift up a car, to be able to run faster than a cheetah and to out-argue Socrates.  I haven’t achieved any of them, though I have some hope of eventually getting to do the last one.

9. How Often Do You Laugh?

Bout 25 yuks per hour on average.  My life is funny.

11. What’s Your Most Dangerous Enemy?

Ignerunce, ignatz, ignomance, …uh, SPELL-CHECK!

12. Where Do You Sleep?

Any couch that’ll have me.

13. Do You Think You’re Strong?

I can take you.

15. What Was The Most Stupid Thing You’ve Done So Far?

I agreed to do this interview for free.

16. Do You Love Yourself?

At least once a day.  I alternate which hand I use.

17. What Do You Fear The Most?

Being injected with penicillin by ANOTHER nurse who forgot to check my chart for allergies to medication.  (I got the big chest-needle like in “Pulp Fiction”.)

18. What Is Your Favorite Word?

This is G-rated space.  I can’t say it here, but it starts with F. (Yes, really.)

19. When Was The Last Time You Cried?

I checked my bank balance yesterday.

20. What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?

GETTING HIRED!  (Are you listening up there?)

21. What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?

Crashing the car on the way to accepting my new job.

23. Do You Regret Anything?

LOTS.  If you have no regrets, then you’ve never admitted to making a mistake and I pity you.  For example, I was a lousy parent, and it’s too late to fix it.

24. What’s The First Thing You Do In The Morning?

Normally a full bladder is what wakes me up.  Do I really need to go on?

25. What Are You Thinking Just Before Going To Bed?

Some variation of “Who the hell would want to read this?”

27. If There’s One Thing In Your Life You Want To Change Right Now, What Is It?

I would be employed under the license I earned, as opposed to merely having “a job”.

28. What Are You Proud Of?

All my cats turn out great.  That, and 83 posts (mostly decent work) since January 8th.

29. Sum Up Your Life In One Sentence

50 years to Life, no parole, in a minimum-security prison.

30. Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most


31. What Is Your No 1 Question To God?

Where’s Ghandi?  Honestly, I do not expect the scenario of this question to take place.  What I look forward to is walking through a door where I will encounter my departed Stepfather.  He will be in his recliner with the newspaper.  He will look over the top of the paper and say “You here again?”  I’ll know I’m home.

32. Do You Have Secrets?

Millions.  Besides having plenty of my own, others keep telling me theirs.  I must have one of those kinds of faces.  I also have a reputation for keeping them.

33. What Makes You Laugh?

Everything, man, everything.  Not always at first, but eventually it’s all hilarious.

34. Are You Happy?

Yes…and No.  Satisfied?


Filed under Communications, Emotions, humor, Metaphysics, Money, Self-Esteem

18 responses to “Unseen & Outspoken

  1. Okay…I submit.
    I LOVE you Mikey 😛
    I don’t say that to just anyone ya know.
    But you, you just make my F-ing day sometimes.

  2. I love you too, witchy-poo.

  3. atomicgator

    Nice, although I thought the interviewer was a little hard on you.

  4. You’re a delightful enigma, sir. Great humor with little bits of poignancy sprinkled throughout.

  5. I love your sense of humor! It’s always so wonderful to see when somebody can actually laugh at themselves and with others.

    A lovely post! It made my day!

    PS it’s never too late to be a good parent!

    • Thanks, sweetie. As far as laughing at myself, it’s easy. I have amusing flaws, and I’m just naturally, genetically and historically odd – from a family full of eccentrics.

      It is too late to be the parent I could and should have been. He’s grown-up and twice-divorced. We’re doing all right as friends, but I can’t go back and give him what I should have then (after divorcing his mother). I just try to be better now as a father-figure to those I encounter of appropriate age and situation.

      Live, learn, forgive, try not to make the same mistakes…

  6. I really enjoyed reading this. Without fail, you make me giggle. I’m glad that you did the interview as well! ::Cheering iMikey on::

    OMG I just nicknamed you. lol. iMikey! It’s a new brand of Apple!


  7. I also enjoyed your sense of humor and I’m also an offspring from 2 long lines of eccentrics. Moreover, I have all kinds of eccnetric friends of every age as well. 😉

    Like you Mikey, I have millions of secrets as many people keep telling me theirs.

    Thanks for taking part in the meme. A little bird told me another one is also on the way. 😉

    • Goodie. It was such fun to be a part of.
      Thanks, Tiptress of Time.

      I think perhaps people don’t feel as if they are being listened to, and that’s why secrets are shared with us.

  8. Cat

    Very funny, mister. Almost made me forget you’re ancient. O:)

  9. Don’t make me come back there, whippersnapper… 😉

  10. Pie

    Another great post, Mikey. I read shesboxingclever’s one, which was excellent. I will read the others soon. I may do my own version, but not yet.

  11. lianamerlo

    Loved number 29! You are such an optimist.

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